I watched this video with amazement... and I cast my mind back to the 1990s, when the culture of first-name calling infiltrated the new-generation banks then. One of those banks was co-founded and owned by a 34-year-old man. His name is Tony Elumelu.
A lot of the staff from top to bottom were young guys; some were older. Everyone from the cashier to the CEO, Tony, called everyone by their first name. What I heard from those who applied for jobs in those banks then was that the last person you interview with was Tony Elumelu. He would insist you call him by his first name, or TOE if you could not stomach calling your CEO by his first name. Tony called many people of his father's age by their first name then. What changed for Tony?
When Tony Elumelu interacts with people outside the shores of Nigeria, they call him by his first name... why insist you are called by a title at home? Maybe cultural perception at home front, and again, Mr. Elumelu is older now, with a few chieftaincy titles, and he is wondering when he will start using these titles? He is more reflective now than his younger self… He is wiser, right?
When I first arrived in Canada in 2004, I observed many students calling their professors by their first name, and I was shocked. Try that in Nigeria where I was coming from; you will never graduate. The only exceptions are foreign-born professors who insist indirectly that immigrant students call them by their titles. Local students will call their professors by their first name. It was strange to me, and I found it hard to adjust. It was the same experience when I arrived in France as a post-doc. Everybody called everybody by their first name. I saw the same thing when I got to the Midwest at a public university. Then I got to the U.S. South, Kentucky. It was all back to Nigeria again.... I realized quickly that a lot of respect is attached to addressing your superiors by their titles - chair, deans, college admin. Some senior colleagues frown at being called by their first name.
There are many issues here... One is the man at the center of this issue, Mr. Tony Elumelu, has lived all his life insisting on people calling him by his first name, as he calls older people by theirs. Has anyone wondered why this young lady had the boldness to call Tony by his first name in this gathering and repeated it when asked, "What did you just call me?" Is it the culture in that organization, which I heard Tony is part of? Does it matter if you are called by your first name or by your title? How should you be guided to decide who to call by their first name?
Social intelligence quotient and work norms will teach anyone that you need to do a couple of things when confronted with a situation like this. First, determine the culture of where you are before you start calling everyone by their first name; never call people (older or younger) in a professional setting by their first name unless you both agree to do the same, especially your superiors. When there is pushback, apologize and correct yourself. You are also well within your right to insist on how you are addressed by anyone younger, a peer, or older. A social norm I have abided by is to "treat people exactly how they want to be treated if it does not cross any ethical or legal line."
I have read many fellow Nigerians, especially people of Yoruba extraction, excoriating this young lady - "ko l'eko ni," "who are her parents," etc. without looking at Elumule and the culture he championed for decades in the banking industry in Nigeria and the culture within that organization. I am a Yoruba man (Tony is not, but from Delta State, where I guess respect by name-calling is common as well); I have seen many situations where people use respectful words with insult. For example, "Brother Bode, se ori yin pe sa?" - meaning, Bros Bode, are you okay? My point is that title calling does not always connote respect. Tone matters; how we treat people matters beyond how we call or do not call them by their titles.
One other thing I see with the first-name calling among some Africans, especially young Yorubas, is that it creates cultural confusion. Many young people often think that when people call themselves by their first name, they automatically become peers and can speak any how to the person. In STB in those days, you might be calling your boss his first name; there are certain lines you cannot cross and won’t be put in your place.
Having traveled the world and seen many cultures, I don't jump to call people by their first name. I am intentional about being respectful to my fellow human beings beyond respectful name-calling.
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