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Myths of Life Abroad

There are so many myths about life abroad for immigrants that many here are ashamed to tell their families and friends about. 
Many erroneously believe that the moment you come abroad, all your problems are solved and life is a bed of roses - it is true for some, but it is not true for many, especially if you are a student pursuing a graduate degree and you are not on scholarship. Even when you are on scholarship, your stipend classifies you as living just above the poverty line. You are just scraping by. Money does not grow on trees abroad, it is not picked freely on the street, it "no work no money", nothing is free here - you pay to do "kaka" in the toilet. There are "idols" (bills) that you must worship every month, if not, you will be thrown on the street - this includes paying for sewage, i.e. paying to do kaka.

For upward of 6 years when I was in graduate school in Canada, I did not have a cell phone. I had one for two years before I came. I did not have one because I could not afford it and again, I did not need it because of the three-way lifestyle I had - Lab, home and church, no time for recreation, I spent next to zero time on pleasure. I was not on scholarship even though I went to one of the best schools in the world - McGill University. I was a self-sponsored student for 2.5 years before I became a resident and qualified for a student loan. I got a cellphone again in 2010 after I returned to Nigeria. As a student, it is just not possible to help anyone - some of my friends concluded I was stingy and not willing to help them and it strained our relationship for a while. As a post-doctoral fellow, even though, I had a better income, I was bearly making ends meet with my own primary family need. Every time one goes home, families are always looking forward to what you brought. At some point, I made up my mind that I would not buy anyone any gift I would not have bought for myself.

Sometimes during the visit home, and you give some people money or gift, they looked at you strange, like what is this? They do not understand that they are lucky to be considered for at least a gift. How many friends or family will one give a gift and not go bankrupt when you return to your base abroad? If I decide to give everyone I know what they will consider a deserving gift, my six months salary will not be enough, and I cannot afford that. I do not visit some people because they will be angry if I don't give them anything, so I avoid them. How many people will one give money to? Except you are a millionaire here, a medical practitioner like a doctor or dentist (upper middle class) or a successful business person here, most Nigerian professionals working abroad are middle-middle/lower-middle class - what that means is that after taking care of their immediate family needs, they bearly have enough to give to anyone. I once had a friend who wanted me to give her money to buy a land for her private school for free or friends that wanted me to pay for their kids private school while my own kids go to public school here, people asking me to support their ministry project without accountability or information on how that money will be used, to give them money for burial - what business of mine is that, etc. I know some will be critical of some of my examples, unfortunately, my priorities have evolved over the years - mind you, I support a lot of people (families and friends) every year on what I call fundamental needs (taking care of my parents, and any friend with emergency need, etc.). Many people want fish, they do not want to learn how to fish - many times, I would want to engage people in discussion that will help them navigate their predicament, they would not want to listen, they want quick fix and someone to be sending them money while they sit down and do the minimum or nothing. Some friends who used to think I was stingy but are here now themselves now have a better understanding of how life his here. Generalizing now, THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LIFE IN NIGERIA AND ABROAD (US, CANADA, UK, etc) IS THAT THERE ARE JOBS IF YOU WANT TO WORK, AND THE SYSTEM WORKS TO SOME EXTENT, aside these, home is a better place to be.

Life abroad is not a bed of roses - if you are lucky enough to get a gift from a family member or friend who came from abroad, appreciate it, however small because you are special, that is why you are one of the few. Information is more liberating than a quick fix than their money will give you. If you see anybody from abroad who came home and is spending money like no man's business, be careful, he probably did not work for it and it is people like that create the wrong impression that it is easy to get money abroad - no it is not.

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