Skip to main content

The Quiet Power of Respectful Friendship

 

 
 
 

Friends can make or mar you. I have shared stories of friends who helped me when I was planning to come to North America 21 years ago. Without those friends, my journey would have been harder, perhaps even impossible.

That is why it is critical to surround yourself with friends who see your values and potentials and are willing to genuinely look out for you; friends who respect you for who you are, see you as an equal partner in the relationship, and are never condescending. Friends who share their opinions or advice without insisting that their position is the only correct one. Friends who listen when you share your deepest pains and concerns about an experience or relationship and do not judge you negatively...even when it is obvious you may be wrong, but instead offer guidance without insisting.

Friends who repeatedly offer contrary advice when you are sharing a painful experience are not respecting you or your perspective. When you describe constant ill-treatment and express the need to leave an environment for the sake of your mental health, and all they say is, “Don’t look at it that way; you just need to be patient.” What they are really saying is that the problem is you. They are implying that if you reflect more or change yourself, the mistreatment will stop. If you have a friend like that, do not share your pains with them again, Full stop! That’s a smart risk management decision.

A point to note...some of us unknowingly do this to our friends: if you are not sure how to advise someone because you do not know the full story, the most strategic response is often to do nothing. Be quiet. Listen. Many times, listening is better advice than words that only add fuel to the fire. If you must say something, say it once, and then leave it alone. No need to keep circling the runway. #truefriendship; #friendship

I hope this speaks to someone.

Happy weekend. And to friends in the Midwest, Appalachia, and New England who are expecting a significant amount of snow starting tomorrow—please be careful. Avoid driving or traveling unless it is absolutely necessary. Stay safe

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

STATE OF THE NATION - Nigeria takes one step forward, and ten steps backward...

I just came back from Nigeria . I traversed the length and breadth of the nation a bit in my three-week stay. Something is different about the country compared to when I visited last year.... The people are more desperate... Hunger has increased astronomically.... The gap between the haves and have-nots has further widened... You feel impunity in the air... You see police collecting bribes openly like we have not seen since the Shagari era in 1983... There are more law enforcement agents on the roads now, yet the crime rate has not abated... You see VIO , Road Safety, State Law enforcers, the Police, everywhere mounting illegal roadblocks... I heard things from those close to the seat of power about those who hold the reins of power, and I weep for Nigeria - it is beyond disheartening... Projects are being abandoned because a significant portion has been given as bribes to government officials like governors and ministers, including major monarchs - they all collect money for projects...
Post a Comment
Read more

WHO SHOULD OR SHOULD NOT HAVE NUKES IN OUR WORLD TODAY?

I quote the father of nukes himself, Albert Einstein , “ Mankind invented the atomic bomb , but no mouse would ever construct a mousetrap ”… No nation should have nukes. If some would, then any nation who want should be able to… current situation creates a power imbalance because those who have it are seen as extremely powerful, and those who don’t are extremely weak nations… Here is a list of nations with nukes – declared and undeclared: U.S., China, Russia, Pakistan, India, France, UK, Israel, and North Korea . These countries host nukes from other countries – Germany , Italy , Türkiye , Belgium , Netherlands and Belarus … Many of USSR ’s former regions like Ukraine and Kazakhstan had nukes, and were tricked to give them up, a decision they all regret today. It is known that Japan , though do not have nukes, have capabilities to develop and launch them within a short time, even from the space. Why can’t other nations have nukes? Ownership of nukes is why Iran is holding the...
Post a Comment
Read more

ISE L'OGUN ISE (WORK IS THE PANACEA TO POVERTY)

Ise ni ogun ise (Work is the panacea to poverty) mura si ise ore mi (Be conscientious my friend in your work) ise ni a fi n di eni giga (Through hard work can we excel) ti a ko ba ri eni feyintin (If there is none to create a pathway to the top for you) bi ole la n ri (It is as if we are lazy) ti a ko ba ri eni gbekele (If there is no one to be your mentor and godfather) a tera mo ise eni, (Work harder then, don't give up, innovate, there is dignity in labor, a way will open up for you soon) Iya re le l'owo (Your mom may be super rich) Baba re le l’esin lekan (You dad could have real estate in choice places) T’oba gbo’ju le won o te tan ni mo so fun oh (If you trust in their riches, your shame is around the corner) Ohun aho j’iya fun kii t’ojo (What you did not labor often does not last, because you might not value them) Ohun ta ba s’ise fun nii pe l’owo eni (It is what you work for that becomes a treasure) Apa lara, Igunpa niye kan (Arms are your f...
Post a Comment
Read more