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The Quiet Power of Respectful Friendship

 

 
 
 

Friends can make or mar you. I have shared stories of friends who helped me when I was planning to come to North America 21 years ago. Without those friends, my journey would have been harder, perhaps even impossible.

That is why it is critical to surround yourself with friends who see your values and potentials and are willing to genuinely look out for you; friends who respect you for who you are, see you as an equal partner in the relationship, and are never condescending. Friends who share their opinions or advice without insisting that their position is the only correct one. Friends who listen when you share your deepest pains and concerns about an experience or relationship and do not judge you negatively...even when it is obvious you may be wrong, but instead offer guidance without insisting.

Friends who repeatedly offer contrary advice when you are sharing a painful experience are not respecting you or your perspective. When you describe constant ill-treatment and express the need to leave an environment for the sake of your mental health, and all they say is, “Don’t look at it that way; you just need to be patient.” What they are really saying is that the problem is you. They are implying that if you reflect more or change yourself, the mistreatment will stop. If you have a friend like that, do not share your pains with them again, Full stop! That’s a smart risk management decision.

A point to note...some of us unknowingly do this to our friends: if you are not sure how to advise someone because you do not know the full story, the most strategic response is often to do nothing. Be quiet. Listen. Many times, listening is better advice than words that only add fuel to the fire. If you must say something, say it once, and then leave it alone. No need to keep circling the runway. #truefriendship; #friendship

I hope this speaks to someone.

Happy weekend. And to friends in the Midwest, Appalachia, and New England who are expecting a significant amount of snow starting tomorrow—please be careful. Avoid driving or traveling unless it is absolutely necessary. Stay safe

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