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The Myth of a Strong Handshake!


You probably have heard that a strong handshake means strength and confidence. Here is a quote I copied from a website online:

"A good firm handshake is a universal sign of strength and assuredness which is why everyone (yes, you too ladies.) should have one. A firm (but not crushing) handshake is a sign of mutual respect from both parties. ... Conversely, a “weak” handshake is a great way to make a memorable impression — a really bad one"

The word "universal" inaccurately generalized without consideration for cultural differences across the globe. I can speak for my culture, Yoruba culture where there is so much respect for authority and age. A handshake is alien to us but it is a culture that some of us have adopted. It is disrespectful for a Yoruba person to stretch his/her hand to shake his elder. Where it is allowed, a firm handshake is an absolute sign of disrespect. When you shake someone older, it is often with both hands, and head bowed.

That takes me to another issue, looking people in the eye when you address them. For my culture and many like it outside of the West, it is utter disrespect to look someone older or an authority in the eye when you are addressing them. For some of us who came to the West as a fully developed adult, we ran into a problem of being misunderstood as weak because of cultural baggage. Many mistook my humble demeanor for weakness, incompetence, and inability to be assertive until they tested my resolve and found I could be more than sensibly ruthless and decisive.

I think it is completely senseless and unfair to generalize certain behavioral rules in a world that is fast integrating, where people come from different backgrounds and are fix to a certain culture. This feeds more into our unconscious bias and often leads to chaos. If a Japanese bows when he greets me and I misread that it as him willingly accepting a subordinate role and start to treat him as such even though we are peers. There is no one culture in a world full of diversity that has become one country/ village. We need to be respectful of each other, exercise benefit of the doubt before we form an opinion, be a fast learner of others and not seek to impose or make a judgment based on our own cultural beliefs above that of others.

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